


To Twirl or Trip

by markschestmole



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert, Top Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Top Kim Jongin | Kai
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 18:40:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11950296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markschestmole/pseuds/markschestmole
Summary: Jongin had been your dream and you had been his. Whatever happened to the two of you is a mystery to everyone except Jongin and you. Whether the broken relationship would be fixed or not was up to the both of you, temptation, neglect, and pride would have to be overcome for two ends to meet and if one end gives in, the other end will give out. Forgiving had to be learned and forgiveness had to be earned.





	1. ~1~

You stood in front of the mirror, the sweat you had accumulated had allowed your skin to feel cool to touch, however, you could almost feel your blood burning underneath. Your knees wobbled as you stood there yet you wanted to keep moving. The music had restarted, its bass vibrating your bones and reaching through your ears to mess with your brain.

 

Your moves were sharp.

Your eyes watered.

Your muscles burned.

You kept going.

 

You felt connected with the music as if you had turned into mist and bounced among the sound waves emitted from the speaker. The idea of dance to other people was simply just moving with the music, finding the right timing and being able to pack a large punch with each move. You disagreed. Dance to you was becoming the music. Dance to you was a way to express emotion. Dance to you was a way to become purposeful. Dance had become the majority of what you identified yourself with. 

 

The song ended. Your knees wobbled. Your feet were numb. You collapsed.

 

Your head thunked onto the floor and sweat was smeared across. It was Jongin’s fault. It was his fault you were wasting your energy on him. The song started again, but you lay there. Tears sprung from your eyes and streaked your face, it was Jongin’s fault that you were nothing but a shell. Your personality had withered away and you had become restless with yourself. The need to move, the need to feel useful, the need to feel pain and the need to improve yourself were associated with your love for dance, but it was all Jongin’s fault.

 

You had no idea how long you were there for, but despite your eyes being tired and heavy and your ears desperately trying to block out the ongoing music and lone voice screaming your name you saw Kyungsoo’s face. A lazy smile appeared on your face as you tried to greet him but frowned when you weren't in control of your muscles. Your vision shifted as you felt his hands hoist you up and then you couldn't see anything but the inside of your eyelids.

  
  


You woke in a familiar bed, although it wasn’t yours, It was Soo’s. You slapped a hand across your face, you had promised him not to dance like that again but you couldn’t help it. You lived for the pains during and after, it helped you feel progressive towards yourself. The sheets smelled strongly male and you furthered yourself in them until the door opened and you stopped moving. 

 

“Y/N, I know you’re awake”

 

You didn’t reply, even as he had managed to lay down in front of you and wrap an arm around you and the mass of blanket on top of you. On instinct, you snuggled into his warm chest and you heard him chuckle.

 

“Soo, I’m sorry about yesterday. You weren’t meant to find me there like that…”

 

A frown adorned his beautiful face, “I wasn’t meant to find you like that?” his voice rose “How was I meant to find you then? Respecting your limits like I had asked you too? Or dead on a hospital bed?”

 

You shivered, Soo was slightly scary when he was angry but you had brought it upon yourself. “Soo please I-I can’t help it, I was all by myself and it just happened” you looked up to find him holding a finger to his lips, telling you to be quiet.

 

“Soo, where is my beanie?” you froze as Jongin’s voice was heard from a distance, smooth and deep as ever. You heard footsteps and the door opening but you couldn’t see anything because Soo had completely covered you with the blanket. 

 

“You got a girl under there or something?” Jongin said, making you freeze but you eased up when you heard his laugh, “Why the face Soo, we’re all men...except for maybe her” he laughed again before asking for his beanie with which Soo had directed him into the laundry room. The door shut and everything was silent for awhile, air tense. 

 

You sat upright in an instant and looked at Soo, “I-I have to get out of here, why did you bring me here Soo. You know everything and you brought me here?! With him in the house?!” You tried your hardest to keep your voice down but you were extremely vexed.

 

“Where should I have taken you then? I would have been caught in the girl's dorm and the guys had been out last night, it was the only option!” he replied, equally as vexed.

 

You flopped face first into his chest and didn’t say anything, his arm has circled around your waist and he held you there. Soo was your first friend when you came to SM, Soo was always there for you - even more than your girls would have been. It was almost as if he was your brother with what he knew about you, there wasn’t a thing he didn’t know about you and you knew him like the back of your hand. It was a perfect friendship.

 

Your thoughts wandered back to Jongin and you wondered how he could behave like that as if nothing plagued him and being friendly was the only thing he had to do. You hadn’t seen that side of him in so long it hurt. 

 

You lay there with Kyungsoo for a while until you heard the front door slam shut. You hopped out of bed and took his hat and mask before Soo could catch you, you tied your hair into a bun, tucked it into the cap and threw on one of his large jumpers. 

 

“Soo, you can drop by and pick these up later. Thank you for taking care of me and don’t let Jongin know I was here. I’m gonna go”. You bolted out his bedroom before he could get out of bed because you know if you had stayed longer a lecture would have been thrown your way. You reached the front door and yanked it open before running down the hallway and all the way to the girl's dorm, luckily you hadn’t run into anyone who might’ve recognised you. 

 

You knocked the door to your dorm hoping someone would answer and to your luck it was Jiwoo, she quickly opened the door and grabbed your hand to yank you into the room before slamming the door shut. 

 

“Where have you been! I have no idea how you’re able to sneak around so much and not get caught” Jiwoo said as she followed you into the bathroom.

 

“I was with Soo….he um sorta found me again and it wasn’t like he could come here and drop me off so he took me to his room”

 

“To his room? You’re saying that nothing else happened there?”

 

“Well, of course, nothing sexual Ji, he doesn’t see me in that light and neither do I”

 

Her shoulders tensed as you talked but relaxed as you laughed at yourself in the mirror.

 

“I really do look like a boy, no wonder I didn’t get caught” you said as you walked towards your shared room with Jiwoo while taking off the jumper, hat and mask. You then proceeded into the bathroom and took off your clothes as Jiwoo followed you.

 

“You really shouldn’t scare me like that again, Y/N, I thought you had collapsed somewhere or maybe even someone really decided to take you away from us”

 

You glanced at Jiwoo with a raised eyebrow and Jiwoo sighed.

 

“You know about those male sasaengs, don't forget about everything they wrote about you...it was really creepy” 

 

“Jiwoo, let me shower in peace and you shouldn't worry too much since I’ll be fine, it's not like they would really get a chance nor would they go through with it” you smiled and stepped in the shower while Ji simply shook her head and walked away. 

 

Showering had felt extremely relieving after your sweaty mess last night, you were surprised Kyungsoo had let you sleep in his bed when you had been sticky and smelly. You reminded yourself to thank him in some way in return for his kindness.

 

While you had washed yourself your thoughts wandered to Jongin. There once was a time where you both had been so close but that was when you had learned how to walk. He was only a neighbour at the time and the two of you played together every day, it wasn’t until high school had you noticed how beautiful he really was.

 

Jongin’s passion for dance had been given to you after you watched him countless of times. You were only twelve years old but even at your age, you could see the amount of passion that he conveyed through each move. Somehow his movements were able to reach into you and evoke whatever emotions it chose. It was like this even when he danced without music, the precise and sharp movements which then transitioned into flowy and soft movements entranced you.

 

At the time you had never told him but you danced when you were alone, you copied his moves from memory and watched many other videos. When your mother had found you dancing she enrolled you in the same dance school as Jongin. Watching him dance in a professional space was even more ethereal, the whole room had been entranced rather than you alone and you couldn’t help but feel jealous that his passion wasn’t exclusive to you.

 

_ You poked Jongin’s shoulder and asked “Will you teach me that cool footwork you did earlier, I keep trying to do it but I somehow manage to trip over my feet, I’m not fast enough Jongin” _

 

_ Jongin chuckled “It’s not about being fast Y/N, it’s about matching the music and letting it guide you”. You furrowed your brows and he laughed again after agreeing to teach you. _

 

A knock on the bathroom door awoke you from your stupor.

 

“Y/N, Kyungsoo is here to get his things” one of the members said through the door.

 

“Alright him coming, let him in if he wants!” you yelled back. You turned the shower tap off, wrapped yourself in a towel and stepped out. Kyungsoo was lying on your bed fiddling with his phone as you walked to your door and grabbed his things hanging off of it.

 

“Did you really have to walk out naked Y/N, my poor eyes are hurting now”

 

You laughed and chucked his clothes on his face “Soo, you’re the one who came here and is now currently laying on my bed like you owns the place plus I’m wearing a damn towel!”

 

He frowned and sat up while you grabbed your clothes.

 

“The boys were asking about you, they haven't seen you in a while and wanted to hang out?”

 

You chewed on your lip and froze. It definitely had been a while since you had properly met up with them, but that was only because you had been avoiding trying to avoid Jongin.

 

“I don't know Soo, I don't think it would be alright for me to hang out with the boys”

 

“Y/N, I know you’re avoiding Jongin but you can’t just do that for the duration of your career. We all miss you and I especially hate having to hide you all the time”

 

“But Soo, he clearly doesn’t want me around. Don’t you remember how he acted all those other times, I’m not in the mood to stomach that anymore and I really would rather just stay away” you walked back into the bathroom after grabbing your clothes and looked at him “I’m sorry that you have to hide me but I don't know what else to do”

 

“It’s fine, I’ll tell them you were busy but I really hope you would open up soon because it’s not healthy to keep to yourself all the time”

 

Kyungsoo walked towards you and placed a light kiss on your forehead before leaving with the things he had come to take as well as your resolve to stay away from their group. You really had migrated into yourself and even the girls had stated that. The only people you were really close too since then was Kyungsoo and Jiwoo after you had decided to keep your distance, but now you were realising that you couldn’t keep this up forever. 

 

You slipped your training clothes on and walked out of your dorm after tying your hair up. As you walked to the cafeteria everyone had looked so happy and free, however you knew you couldn’t be like that. Only talented people were allowed to be happy and all these people were exactly that - talented. Out of the corner of your eye you spied Junmyeon eating alone but you had no intentions to talk to him, you made a rule to stay away from EXO as a whole because of Jongin. It was a childish reason you must admit, although there was no other way to effectively avoid Jongin and you had proven yourself right because it had almost been a whole year.

 

With a tray filled with food, you sat isolated and far way from Junmyeon. He was a kind person and you were grateful for that but because he was a leader then it also meant he knew how to mediate between arguments well and this then led to him almost always mentioning Jongin. You slowly ate as your mind wandered once again, Soo’s words had definitely affected you.

 

_ “B-Baek Stop! I can’t breathe!” _

 

_ Laughter escaped your mouth and your eyes watered, no matter how much you begged he didn’t stop and tickles got even more intense. Baekhyun was laughing and looking down at your wriggling figure on the floor. _

 

_ “This, my dear Y/N is what you get for trying to take my headphones!” _

 

_ You continued to wriggle out of his grasp until an idea sprang into your mind. You quickly steeled your foot on the ground and used it to push yourself off the floor and flip Baekhyun over so that you were on top.  _

 

_ “Aha! I got you now Baek!” You laughed until you gave him a proper overview. He looked very attractive underneath you, you couldn't deny that,  but you had feelings for someone else. You were about to jump off until a knock on the door was heard, you turned your head but a rough hand quickly grabbed your face and wet lips had met yours. You were silently freaking out because whoever was at the door had made a squeak sound and slammed the door shut. You put your hands on Baekhyun’s chest to pull away but he grabbed your hand. It was a sweet and wet kiss but you were somewhat stiff and confused, why hadn’t he stopped? Just before you were going to push him off with more force he let you go. _

 

_ It wasn’t a good position to be found in, you were sitting on his lap, both of you had messed up each others hair and clothes and shiny lips all suggested something heated was going on. _

 

_ “Baek, what was that?”  _

 

_ “Just this girl keep trying to make a move on me, sorry I had to use you” _

 

_ You narrowed your eyes at him, he didn't look sorry at all and he was still making those sexy eyes at you. _

 

_ “You’re such a liar! You’re just a thirsty little man who has a twitching dick every 30 seconds, man you’re lucky you weren’t my first kiss” You laughed and smacked his chest _

 

_ Baekhyun’s eyebrows raised “Oh? So who was your first kiss?” _

 

_ “Jongin” _

 

By the time your food had gone most of the people had left the cafeteria and there was a Junmyeon sitting next to you. 

 

“Hi, Y/N”

 

You blinked “Hi Junmyeon, if you’ll excuse me” you picked up your tray and got up until he had pulled you back down resulting in a loud clang as your tray collided with the table.

 

“Why are you avoiding us? Don’t think we haven’t noticed, we thought you to give you space but it’s almost been a year and we’re starting to miss you more than we should”

 

His eyes had looked sincere and you were about to explain yourself until he had to open his mouth.

 

“Is it because of Jongin?”

 

This time you left without taking your tray so that you could leave quickly. He always had to bring up Jongin as if you were completely obsessed with him and you weren’t! You walked back to your dorm and hid under the covers, it was always like this. Nothing ever changed with that group and you would never benefit from associating yourself with them. It was best to stay away.

  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. ~2~ not edited!

Throughout the rest of the week, you had managed to avoid any other EXO members and the weekend was starting soon. Your plans to meet with an old friend was in place for tonight and you planned to sleep throughout the weekend. This week had seemed the most tiring for some reason and a proper break would be the perfect fix for you.

You were in sitting quietly on your bed watching videos of yourself dance and taking mental notes on when the move faster or where to make a sharper move. Your group had gone out with some of the other groups and your decision to stay home and away from them was because you knew EXO would have been there. You didn’t regret staying home though, although the privilege did not come easy with Jiwoo almost throwing your phone out the window if you hadn’t started crying, you almost felt bad for using your tears to get your way but it was something you couldn't help.

Ever since Kyungsoo had confronted you your emotions were in a turmoil and the fact that you had heard Jongin’s voice in such a long time probably affected you more than you would like to admit. Your video was interrupted when your phone received a call from Kyungsoo.

“Hello?”

“Y/N please come and get Jiwoo, she’s drunk off her face and I don't think this would be a good image for your group.

You rolled your eyes “All right I’m coming, where are you guys?”

“The usual bar down the road, we’ll be inside since waiting outside will cause a scene”

You hung up the phone and left the house for the car park. Was Jiwoo actually stupid?

You parked behind the building and grabbed the dark raincoat from the back seat, entering through the back door the loud music could be felt in your chest and you cringed. You made your way into the main area of the bar and looked around for your friend, instead, you found someone who had caused you to make it your life's mission to avoid them. Jongin was sitting at the stool speaking animatedly with another woman, you sighed, you were used to it. 

_You sat next in-between Jongin and Sehun at the dinner table. Jongin was turned away from you and was speaking with Jongdae about who knows what so you were turned to Sehun looking for entertainment._

_“Sehuunn, I’m bored”_

_“Talk to Jongin then” he answered without looking up from his phone_

_You frowned “but he’s talking with Jongdae and I don’t want to seem like an intruder”_

_Sehun sighed, put his phone in his pocket and leaned turned towards you._

_“Don’t you have games on your phone or something, or maybe some people to stalk on social media?”_

_You huffed and folded your arms “Sehun, I prefer physical company thanks”_

_He raised his brows before quickly pulling your hoodie over your head and leaning his forehead against yours, the hoodie hiding both of your faces from everyone else. Sehun dragged his lips from the side of your jaw down to your neck. You shivered as you stayed put. You had no idea what to do._

_“Is this the physical company you mean? If so I’m all for it” he said sending shivers down your spine as his hot breath hit your skin._

_You heard a loud scrape of a chair against the floor and then soon after a door slamming. Sehun backed away and rested his head on his hand with a raised eyebrow._

_“Sehun! Shut up, you’re so annoying” you exclaimed before turning around to see that Jongin wasn’t there next to you._

_“Where did Jongin go?” you asked._  

Jongin was never around or his attention was always on someone other than you. What really confuses you is that you have no idea what you had done to deserve this from him. You sighed and turned around to spot Jiwoo sitting at a table with Kyungsoo trying his best to tame her. 

“Jiwoo! What are you doing!” 

“Oh Y/N, I was just talking about you and Kai, see Kyungsoo! Her face always gets sad whenever I mention him and I’ve kept it to myself because I don’t want to upset her or make her uncomfortable that would be really bad” 

You rolled your eyes and went to hoist up but Kyungsoo stopped you. 

“I don’t want you to collapse or anything, I’m sure your muscles are still weak” 

You grumbled to yourself about him being such a worry wart and asking him to leave you alone but he was already walking towards your car without hearing a word. You quickly jogged after him. “Y/N wait!” You stopped in your tracks and turned around only to bump into a hard chest. You looked up and almost felt as if the world had stopped. “K-Kai, I’m sorry for bumping into you” you

“Y/N wait!” 

You stopped in your tracks and turned around only to bump into a hard chest. You looked up and almost felt as if the world had stopped. 

“K-Kai, I’m sorry for bumping into you” you went to turn around but he grabbed your hand...hard. 

“Where are you going Y/N, and since when did you call me Kai it was always Nini for you” his other hand slid dangerously to your waist and roughly pulled you against him. 

A lump grew in your throat as you stayed silent, you hadn’t been this close with him in almost a year. You glanced up into his dark eyes and immediately flinched away. It had also been a year since you made eye contact. His eyes still had the same affect on you and so did his touch, his hair was styled up and his white buttoned shirt was undone by two buttons so you were directly in front of his bare skin. 

You almost let out a sigh when his plump wet lips moved towards your neck. Your heart was currently beating so quickly its sound overpowered the music within the room. A pained hiss escaped your mouth after he had bit you hard and then sucked equally as intense to lessen the pain. 

After he had bit you again your breath hitched and you pushed him off you, the pain of his teeth ripping from your skin making you cringe. 

Jongin stood there with a smirk on his face “Wow, your skin has already bruised” 

Your hand flew to your neck before you bolted out of the bar. What the fuck had just happened? Once you were outside you found Soo waiting for you by your car, you unlocked the car and hopped in without giving him a second glance. You yanked the mirror down and looked at your neck. 

“What the fuck..” you murmured. The area was already a deep purple and his teeth marks created large craters in the shape of a circle. 

“What happened?” Kyungsoo asked. 

You quickly covered your neck with your hair and shook your head at him “Not with Jiwoo in the car”. 

He nodded and you drove off towards the dorms. Once you arrived you threw the raincoat over Ji Woo's head and walked back into the dorm building. Hauling her almost limp body was difficult but Soo was there to help, he left you the pleasure of throwing her onto the bed though. 

You walked back into the kitchen and sat on the bar stool watching him make a tea for himself and you. 

“Jongin gave me a monstrous looking hickey” you began to explain “It’s covered in bite marks and everything, it turned fucking purple within a minute! I just don’t understand what he fucking wants from me” 

Kyungsoo whipped his head around and glanced at your neck but your hair was in the way. 

“Move your hair, I want to see” he said as he brought over two mugs of tea to the kitchen table in front of you. You moved your hair to the left side and watched for his reaction.

You moved your hair to the left side and watched for his reaction. First, it was surprise, then it was anger and then he had reverted to a calm and collected demeanour. 

“That’s pretty huge, the bite marks are still there”

“I know right, this is the first form of contact in a year! What was I meant to do! I just stood there and let it happen, what’s wrong with me!” you looked up to Soo “I want to forget him so bad, he causes me so much pain and I don’t even know why. I-I want to punch him for being so confusing and annoying! Who in their right mind gives their past lover or past nobody in this case, a huge fucking hickey after a year of no contact whatsoever!” 

“I’m not sure Y/N” 

“Kyungsoo, has he ever...mentioned me at all?” you got up and flopped onto the couch with a sigh of exasperation “I mean has he ever even hinted at my existence?!” 

Kyungsoo put his mug down and came sat down next to you “I don’t think he has Y/N and I’m too worried to ask him about it in case it might all come back around to you” he then turned your chin towards his face with a tug of his index finger “But you talked of forgetting him didn’t you? I can be your...let’s say distraction, think of it as my of helping a friend out”

A small smile graced his face but you frowned and pulled away “Soo, I’m sure you’ve had some to drink as well and you don’t even know what you’re saying at the moment” 

Kyungsoo pouted and moved towards you again, cornering you into the corner of the couch. His hand slid up your thigh and he brought it up next to his waist as he leant over you “Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited for you?” He frowned and nuzzled into your neck “I just don’t like seeing you upset because of one my friends, I feel as if it’s my responsibility to fix his mistakes” 

You bit your lip in frustration because you had no idea how to turn him down without hurting his feelings “Soo, please just list-” 

Kyungsoo let his lips fall onto yours before applying pressure on them. You watched his eyes flutter closed and his grip on your thigh tighten, and for some reason, you relaxed under him and clutched his chest. You weren’t expecting yourself to return the kiss or even allow his tongue to play with yours. Maybe it was because you hadn’t had the affection of a male in such a long time that you were using him and his affection to boost your ego. You didn’t know at the time that this would lead to a rocky road instead of a shortcut to fix yourself. 

So you let him take over you, you let him take control because you were tired of being only one to steer the wheels without a word of guidance. Kyungsoo left your mouth and left small kisses down your neck and up until your chest. He looked up at you before watching you throw your head back in pleasure after he had roughly ground his hard-on where you were most sensitive at the moment. 

“Y/N, as much as I would like to continue this I have to leave. This is the girl's dorm after all” 

You nodded and watched him get off you after pressing a long kiss to your forehead and then leaving out the front door. As soon as you heard the door shut, you burst into tears. 

If there was anything you regretted the most about yourself, it was your inability to say no and being unable to sort out your own emotions. You weren’t sure whether you had feelings for him or not, you weren’t sure whether he had feelings for you. He was definitely tipsy, you had tasted it. But he wasn’t drunk either. 

You lay on the couch and curled into yourself as you cried. If he wasn’t drunk why would he put you in a position like that? You cried even more after you felt yourself getting angry at him, it was the last way you would like to feel towards him.

After a decent half hour of silently crying you moved into your own room and dropped into your bed. You had decided to fix everything tomorrow and somehow managed to reassure yourself that everything would return to normal. That night you had fallen asleep with a somewhat distorted illusion of your own reality.

 


End file.
